We arrived to the shit hole that is Naples (don’t worry, it will get its own blogpost) and immediately rented a car and drove to Sorrento.
Sorrento was an adorable, little town where we didn’t do much except eat. Sounds dumb, but the food was awesome. And they are famous for their lemons so lots of lemon-flavored things. And we had a great dinner on the shore of a small beach, where my sister was asked by a 50 year-old man to go dancing. Thankfully, she didn’t go.
The next day we drove to Positano, which is my favorite city on the coast that we visited. The main part of the city is on a cliff forming a semi-circle around the central beach. It’s absolutely beautiful, if you go, be prepared to climb a shit ton of stairs. The first night, we had drinks at a restaurant on the beach and listened to two douchey Americans discuss girls (one said he was tired of “the ones” he had. Oh, yeah? And do you woo these hoards of women with your mutton chops, soul patch and long, greasy hair?) and the complexities of Harry Potter (now I know that will annoy all my friends who love those books but literally the first thing I heard them say when we sat down was “Dude, I’ve really gotta download the Harry Potter books onto my iPad.” No. No, you don’t. What you need to do is shave your face and take off those hipster girl shorts.)
The next day we were off to the Isle of Capri on a wonderful tour that covered many grottos on the island shoreline and Capri Town. Unfortunately, my family and I were unaware that we would be swimming on this tour so, instead of walking up the 15 minutes worth of stairs back to our hotel, my sister and I bought cheap swimsuits from stores on the beach. After sifting through the 15 Euro bin of tacky suits with Playboy bunnies, rhinestones and various shiny materials, I found a hawaiian print one that I’m almost positive I owned when I was seven. Another misfortune is that these stores only sell swimsuits as a set in the same size. This sucks for me because my ass is larger than the rest of my body. This was later evident as my swimsuit bottom turned out to provided no more coverage than a thong. After the second swimming grotto, I stopped getting out of the boat, lest the entire world sees my ass.
Capri was cool, but not worth the hype. It has a lot of expensive shops that I could never dream of affording. And, if you go, take the funicular or a taxi up to the main town. Don’t be fucking idiots like my family and climb all the way up. It was an hour of stairs. Twice I protested continuing and was only swayed with ice cream. Everyone we told that we climbed up had the same reaction – “What? Why? Don’t you know there are other ways? Did you die?” I think between the Basilica, Positano and Capri, I’ve climbed enough stairs for my entire life and maybe have broken some kind of world record.
The next day we drove to Ravello, a small but beautiful cliff-top town. Unfortunately, I don’t remember much of the town because I spent most of it drunk. Before dinner, my sister and I snuck away from our parents to buy them some wine as a gift. However, the lovely girl who tended the shop gave us about 10 different wines to taste. We found two great wines for them, but also got wasted in the process. So, hope you liked the wines, parents!
After Ravello, we headed off to Pompeii. I was so worried it was going to be unbearably hot with zero shade, but it wasn’t too bad. I was obsessed with Pompeii history as a kid (also Egyptology and animals – clearly I was a nerdy child) so this was super exciting for me. It probably would have been an amazing sight if it weren’t so poorly organized and difficult to get around. Maps don’t help because like half the roads are blocked off and the major house exhibits are closest. But it was still neat. I think my experience at Ephesus was better though. Maybe Pompeii would have been more fun if Josh were there to take dumb senior photos with me.